He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
