he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
