I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
