you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
