Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
