can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
