My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize