11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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