She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
