using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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