I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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