chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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