my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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