my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
