I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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