I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
