Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
