I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
