Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
