my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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