We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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