he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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