One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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