Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
as a side note pls kill me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
