I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I could make wine with my vomit
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
