the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
