I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
