Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize
