remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize