We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
