In the future we'll all be gay
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
