I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
sex in a hospital.. check
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
