its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize