I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
