I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
