Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
