I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
