I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
