I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
