it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
