If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
