I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pooping to opera.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
