i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
