if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
