dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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