so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
our cab driver is having phone sex.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
