is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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