If that was your dad, he is hot
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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