how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
