She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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