I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
