happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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