okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
