there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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