what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
