she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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