I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
