Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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