i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
