Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
