You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
