hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
