I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
