Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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