I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
