Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he thought i was a dude.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
