Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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