yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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