i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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